The Joy of missing out

JOMO is an art form, FOMO is an empty promise.

I heard that from my friend Paul a few weeks ago*. It struck something. From FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) to JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out).

I love it so much I want to tattoo it somewhere.

Because there is ALWAYS something you should do. Could do. Want to do. Exhibitions to attend, countries to discover, friends and family to catch-up with, projects to explore, books to read, movies to watch, restaurants to try, languages to learn etc etc. All worthwhile ways to spend your time on Earth.

But time is limited. That’s a non-negotiable fact of our reality. (Unless you’re Hermione Granger and Dumbledore lent you a Time-Turner*.)

I remember this quote: “You can do it all, just not all at the same time”*. I think it should be: “You can’t do it all. Period.” No caveat. “You can’t do it all, so choose wisely”.

Our friend FOMO relies on our denial of the nature of time and what you can do with it. FOMO is based on a fantasy. A fantasy that you can be everything, everywhere all at once*. A fantasy that drives our attempts to maximise: moments with friends, family, work, events etc.

The other hidden assumption behind FOMO is that you need to do all these valuable things, otherwise you’re falling short of your life’s potential. That’s a subtle threat, but a very real one. FOMO relies on the empty promise that the more you do and the less you ‘miss out’, the more fulfilled you are. The reality is that there is only so much joy that one can derive from compulsive activity. Even if all of them are worthwhile, meaningful and interesting.

FOMO by its very nature is anxiety inducing.

The Missing Out is causing the Fear.

Now enters JOMO. The Joy of Missing out. And it’s everything FOMO isn’t.

It starts with us accepting reality as it is: we have limited time, energy, resources and even desire to do everything on offer. The trick here is to consider this as a liberating fact, rather than a frustration. You relinquish this fallacious notion that pushes you to ‘catch-up’.

The acceptance of the nature of time and our own limitations frees us from the anxiety of missing out. And replaces it with a sense of wonder and empowerment. The power to focus on what we deem essential. And letting go of the rest. Without any guilt.

JOMO is an art form. It gives us the freedom to decide. To narrow things down.

The missing out is causing the joy.

I’ll stop here, not only because I did not know how to close this piece, but also because I believe that each one of you will have a different way of approaching this notion. I shall leave it to the JOMO-er’s discretion.

See you next week,

Lina

*Oliver Burkeman wrote about JOMO in his book ‘Time management for Mortals’, I have not read it but listened (twice) to his Series about it on the Waking Up app (Sam Harris)

*The quote is from Betty Friedan, American writer and feminist, activist and all-round badass. It has been passed around generations of ambitious overarchieving women to reassure them and help them come to terms with the fact that its okay not to be everything at the same time: CEO, doctor, partner, mom (to a child or a pet), friend, athlete, chef, instagram model etc. etc.

*If you have not read Harry Potter, I still love you, but there is not much I can do for you

*I have not watched this multi-Oscar movie but for some reason I binged on actors interviews.