What if it was easy?

Suffering does not equal value.

This week, I'm switching things up. I'm sharing three bite-sized conversations that offer insights about a topic I battled with for years: The Grind. Indeed, I've spent a lot of time ‘deconstructing’ the following narrative: “If I don’t work (very) hard - if I am not productive, what I do has no value and I am effectively ‘worthless’.” Yes, folks! Achievement was everything! It sounds ridiculous spelt out like this, but I did commit to this mindset for more than twenty years.

This narrative led to several implications: 1/ For years, I neglected my physical and emotional needs, sacrificing them at the altar of hard work and 'worthiness'. If sleeping and resting meant working less, it felt lazy. 2/ I battled intense bouts of procrastination and anxiety. No matter the effort, I couldn't let go and always had lingering thoughts about what more I needed to do. When you have unrealistic expectations about how much you must accomplish, procrastination kicks in and nothing ever feels like enough. 3/ The most troubling consequence was my inability to identify what genuinely interested me or 'made my heart sing' versus what bored me to death. Anything that came naturally to me was often dismissed.

Photo: just Googled ‘hard work’ images and came up with this which cracked me up :) There is even an article that explains why.

I’m not out of the woods yet but I’ve progressed. Now, I indulge in what we could call 'radical' acts, like 1/ Allowing myself to sleep as much as I need (and I’m a sleeper folks, those who know me know!) without berating myself or feeling like a loser 2/ I now pick projects based on the joy they bring and their ease (yes their ease!). Anything that feels grating without meaning gets a pass. 3/ Crafting semi-realistic to-do lists. Admittedly, I still struggle with estimating timelines, but at least now I know I need to be patient!

To be clear: I haven’t sworn off hard work. But I've dispelled the toxic notion that relentless effort is synonymous with inherent worth (it only took 20 years). I’m now able to see this harmful and counterproductive illusion as it is.

Ironically, since this mindset shift, the quality of my work increased, and it has been more sustained over time. Because I procrastinate less, and I don’t burn out anymore.

I wanted to share this because maybe, some of you are grappling with the same thing. In which case, please write back. I always love to hear your views.

Now that you have the context, here a the 3 extracts:

1-Rich Roll (ex-lawyer, and host of the ‘Rich Roll podcast). Interview from the Tim Ferriss podcast.

Rich Roll: “What I am most excited about is this evolving relationship that I have with the work. […]

Overcoming or transcending this disposition to make everything hard.

Reflecting on Tim’s question: What if it was easy? That was a very bitter pill for me to swallow because my whole life has been premised on this idea that if I haven’t suffered to create this thing then I haven’t worked hard enough or that it doesn’t hold value.

And I am on this journey of trying to let go. […] To hold the things that I care about more loosely. And to approach from that perspective of ‘what if it was easy?’

I don’t have to suffer to create. It is an illusion or construct that I have created in my mind and affirmed over many years but deconstructing it I realise the fallacy of it and I try to recalibrate my relationship to the world in which I am trying to navigate it from a perspective of joy and grace and allowing rather than gripping on really tightly.

It’s so counterintuitive yet also liberating whilst being terrifying. I’m definitely not there yet […] This is something I am committed to practice more meaningfully.”

My comment: This came up at the extreme end of the conversation. It’s not in the clickable sections, it’s almost a by-the-way concluding remark but it really struck me and I listened to it several times.

2-The “Law of Least Effort” - Daniel Kahneman, in ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’

“A general “law of least effort” applies to cognitive as well as physical exertion. The law asserts that if there are several ways of achieving the same goal, people will eventually gravitate to the least demanding course of action. In the economy of action, effort is a cost, and the acquisition of skill is driven by the balance of benefits and costs. Laziness is built deep into our nature.”

3- Mark Manson - blog

“Something about the social pressures of adolescence and the professional pressures of young adulthood squeezes the passion out of us. We’re taught that the only reason to do something is if we’re somehow rewarded for it. And the transactional nature of the world inevitably stifles us and makes us feel lost or stuck.”

Until next time,

Lina